Renewing Your Love For Each Other by Brenda Shoshanna

It is easy to become stuck in relationship routines which numb us and become out of touch with what is going on both with ourselves and our partners. We don't truly hear what they're saying to us, many cries for love go unheard, many moments of beauty, unnoticed.

Unless one understands how to keep love growing, it can be difficult to withstand the challenges and changes relationships go through.

Too often we see our partners in the same old way. We don't notice how they've grown or changed. Perception can be fatal, as we perceive another, so they become. When we see a person in a certain way and expect one kind of behavior from them, that is often what we get.

Not only does this prevent the person from changing, it can also act as a barrier to love. If we do not take the time to stop and pay attention to our partner daily, to find out where and who they are today, before long they can become strangers to us.

Love is a Verb

Not only is it easy to take the love of others for granted, it is also easy to take our love for our partner for granted as well. This is a very dangerous mistake. Love is a verb, it grows and is nourished through action. It is delicate and needs our attention and care.

When love is not expressed, anger and withdrawal often follow. In fact love that is not translated into daily behavior, may not be love at all.

Like weeds in a garden, untended relationships easily wither. So many find out too late that the trust, communication and sharing that should have been on-going have not been there at all.

The good news is that it is simple and enjoyable to renew your relationship and to do it daily. The process actually consists of two parts. Each is equally important and each will be equally rewarding for both of you.

Preparation:

Part 1 is preparatory time. This involves spending quality time with yourself. It is important to take stock of where you are now, what you are feeling and what is going on inside. Spend this time listening to inner thoughts and feelings.

If you are not aware of your own needs, dreams and disappointments, how can your partner be? Take stock of what you want for yourself, how you see the future, and how the relationship is working right now.

Write this all down in a journal. Be certain that you are able to differentiate between what your dreams, feelings, and fears are and what is truly going on. Look and see if you are giving your partner room to be who they are as well.

Realize that your partner does not exist to make your life complete. That's up to you. During time spent alone, it is not unusual to experience a feeling of disappointment with the relationship.

Some feel drained, or burnt out. This usually takes place when they are in a power struggle, or unable to receive the warmth, attention or consideration they desire. There is nothing wrong with feeling this way. It does not mean love has died.

It's important to face and acknowledge these feelings. By spending time alone, and giving to yourself,some of the weariness and burn out can be relieved.By becoming aware of your needs rather than hiding from them, and blaming your partner, you can then find healthy ways to have them fulfilled.

There is a weariness factor in all relationships. When you acknowledge how you are truly feeling, you then do not have to act these feelings out. Instead, it becomes possible to go a step further and, in a spirit of exploration and mutual respect see what can be done.

Renewing Your Love

Part 2 of renewing your love is to spend quality time with your partner on a regular basis. This is time for fun, intimacy, romance and just plain being friends.During this time do not criticize, nag, or pressure. Find out what's going on for them.

Learn about their day and really listen. Do not comment, or try to instruct. Just be with your partner whole-heartedly, available to their thoughts and feelings. Focus upon their strengths and how the relationship is working and acknowledge it to them.

This will create an environment in which you can both be who you are, enjoy yourselves and also communicate easily.

Doing both part 1 and 2 will have amazing effects both upon you and your relationship. When troubles start in a relationship it is because the partners feel unattended

to, not understood, or respected for who they are. Setting aside this meaningful time will work as a natural antidote to problems escalating. No matter what both of you are facing, through this consistent quality time your relationship cannot help but develop deep roots and bloom.

Author Resource: Discover the surprising truths about love in Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships) Psychologist, seminar leader and award wining author, contact her at mailto:topseaker@yahoo.com. or: http://www.brendashoshanna.com/

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