How to Avoid a Breakdown after a Breakup by Randy Gilbert

Failed relationships are difficult and devastating. After a breakup, most people temporarily lose touch with who they are and instead obsess over what their ex is doing now. Confusion, loneliness, and self-doubt envelop their lives, preventing them from moving on.

Lisa Steadman says, "The key is to put the focus back on you and on your life. What that does is it takes it from a breakdown to a breakup. You are breaking up with a relationship that's no longer working, and you are moving on to a life that is so much better suited for you now."

Identify your breakup persona and how it impacts your breakup recovery:

Hopeless Romantic: People in this category feel that even though the relationship is over, they are still in love with the other person. Unfortunately, the ex has a habit of taking advantage of their good nature. The key is to walk away and leave the other person in your past.

Caretaker: These people worry about the other person. They feel they have to take care of their ex. They need to instead focus on their own well being, turning the caretaker and nurturing sense back on themselves.

A bad love habit consists of destructive, dysfunctional and/or difficult beliefs about relationships:

1. Identify the bad love habits or limiting relationship beliefs you carry.

2. Create a new love vocabulary concentrating on positive relationship ideals. Reframing to a positive language helps you break out of old bad love habits.

3. Learn to overcome the post-breakup slump: Acknowledge the fact that a loss has happened.

4. Feel the emptiness and sadness (dont try to skip over the pain).

5. Identify the tools that will work best for you; instead of staying in the house and wallowing in your grief, rely on the comfort of friends, or engage in retail therapy.

6. Nurture yourself and love yourself.

Many single people hold onto a single stigma that tells them they are not healthy, happy, or whole without a relationship. This is an incredibly dangerous and detrimental way of thinking. The key to attracting the love of your life is to create a life you love, right here and now!

Embrace your single self and enjoy your life in the now. See dating as a fabulous, fun, learning experience rather than a job. Realize that not everyone is your perfect partner and that you deserve to date until you find that perfect person for you.

Ultimately, the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. How you see yourself affects every other relationship in your life. Celebrate yourself. Create a life you can love and give yourself permission to move on. Eventually, you will meet the person who is the perfect match for you.

Following these proactive strategies to enjoy a rich journey of self-discovery. You will not only survive your break up but thrive after a breakup, becoming a person of empowerment, confidence, and strength.

Author Resource: Dr. Proactive, Randy Gilbert enjoys producing the "Inside Romance Success" show hosted by Kevin Decker, he presents his interview with Lisa Steadman based upon the techniques from her book. To hear the entire interview for free by going to: http://www.insidesuccessradio.com/Guests/Lisa-Steadman

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